This page is now rather out of date... You can see a more recent page about me
here.
Welcome to my unofficial home page. This web page was done without my permission
and without my blessing. So its unofficial as hell. You're probably gonna
be bored crapless by it, so why the hell are you still reading it?????
Just in case you're not clear what its about. Its about me. Jolly exciting huh?
Bet you're dribbling with anticipation already!
What's NEW?
I haven't touched this page since I first honed it to imperfection. Since then
I've added a few little bits, which I'm gonna mention here until I integrate them
into that orgasmic spectacle which isn't my page.
Ok, so there isn't much that's new. Give me a chance!
This section gives a bit of an insight into me....
What planet is Matt on?
Some unkind people have said to me "You've disappeared inside Uranus, Matt. Its the
only explanation."
I would like to refute this claim. I've have never been inside there. Instead
I'm actually orbitting the moon, from about a mile deep inside the planet
Earth. Or at least I'm trying to orbit the moon, but all this rock keeps
getting in the way.
What is Matt taking?
I have received a number of suggestions as to what I'm taking:
Little blue pills
Holsten pils
Not enough pills
A small potted plant called Gerald
The correct answer is... Nothing!!! But I get like this if you don't dress
me in my strait jacket and leave me in the rubber room to bounce around
for a while. Offers to dress me in my strait jacket to this email address.
Where is Matt to be found?
Either in The Corner
or in The Black Hole, if you're talking in real worldy existance terms. If you're talking mental plateau, then see the
comment regarding what planet I'm on. If you're talking as in CyBeReXiStAnCe[)e`//[)
then you might find me on IRC.
Whose fault is Matt?
When asked if they'd take responsiblity for me, my parents refused to comment.
If its not their fault, who is it? Well they're responsible for my physical
existance, but not so much for me. The blame for me has to go to
Those Who Have Spoken To Me,
and I can tell you thats a jolly lot of people to blame! But I'm sure they
won't mind if you heap loads of blame onto them, they'll probably only
blame me back.
Why Sheep?
This was a question I wasn't fully aware of until I read it inside a sleeve
of an album cover, beneath the picture of a bloke holding a sheep. The album
is The White Room and is by the KLF.
After much contemplation, the answers I've arrived at (none of which I feel
are correct), are:
Because otherwise, giraffe
Salami
I sheep therefore I am.
They're great for mowing the lawn
They are the sexiest
Baaaaaaaaaa
(This last item was submitted by Flossy, who is currently eating
grass in a field somewhere on the outskirts of Crowthorne).
Matt's Unofficial Home Page 
What planet is Matt on?
Little blue pills
