Cat Tales

Submitted by Tom Kranz

"My wife and I have more than the average number of cats, really.

"It started when my Mum asked me what I wanted for my 18th birthday. I've always had a soft spot for them, so I asked her for a Siamese cat. Somewhat surprised, she agreed. When we got to the breeders, they had a female Siamese from a litter, which was what I wanted, but she was the runt. She didn't display the usual Siamese qualities (i.e. she wasn't attacking our shoelaces or demanding attention - she'd run off and hide). The breeder explained that she was a bit abnormal for a Siamese, and that if we just wanted one we'd be better off with her brother. Anyway, after chatting and looking at the rest of her Siamese hoard, the breeder offered us both the female and her brother, as she couldn't breed from the female and she couldn't sell her on her own. So, I got two Siamese cats instead of one. Needless to say, my parents were very impressed.

"Time passed, and Merlin, Sharra and I moved out into a flat, and then I met and married my wife, Wendy. Then my brother's cat had a litter of kittens, and under the (false) impression that we would be selling the flat quickly and moving into a house, we got two kittens (Oliver and Amber).

"Around a year later we finally moved, and shortly afterwards my Mum picked up a stray, imaginatively called Fluff. My brother's cat had just had a litter, though, and so had my Mum's, so we agreed to take Fluff off their hands. Our misgivings about Fluff's obesity were soon fulfilled when she gave birth to a litter of three kittens. Just in time for Christmas, and the Christmas tree. Nice one Fluff. The kittens have now gone to new homes, leaving us with just five cats. Still, I'm sure we can add to that. I quite fancy some more Siamese...

(NOTE: Since this was submitted, I've learnt that Fluff has become pregnant again, with Tom and Wendy again only finding out when they took her to the vet to be neutered. Shouldn't laugh, really...*splutter*)

"Merlin, my male Siamese, is how you always imagine them to be. Stroppy, arrogant, pushy, but very loving. Oh, and noisy. He's a Chocolate Point, and would probably win prizes at shows if we took him - he's quite thin and delicate. Very regal looking, and he makes sure you know that, until recently, only the Siamese royalty could own these cats.

"When I first moved out on my own, he would be a bit of a niusance. Opening the fridge, for example, and stealing cheese and cold chicken - that was bad. Flicking the phone off the hook when it rang, because he didn't like the noise - annoying. Naturally, he could open windows and doors without any effort. Cupboards too. However, when I came home and found my chicken had been removed from the freezer and half-devoured in the middle of the lounge floor, I knew something had to be done. So, Wendy and I went off to Mothercare and got some child safety-latches, which we used to lock the fridge door with. Hah!

"Merlin countered in winter, by working out that the switches on the side of the electric bar fire I had were susceptible to those delicate Siamese paws. It freaked me out quite a bit when I came home from work in the evening one day to see the electric fire on, and both the Siamese stretched out in front of it.

"When Wendy showed up, however, was Merlin's finest hour. Here, suddenly, was a rival - I would pay attention to her and not to him. Worse, she got to sit next to me - where he would always sit. His campaign of harrasment wasn't too obvious to begin with - he'd bat her legs with his paws, yowl at her, steal her food from her plate when she wasn't looking - that sort of thing. It was quite funny, especially when she'd tell him off and he'd ignore her totally, but eventually I had to take sides and sort him out.

"The sad thing is, they still try to annoy each other, years later.

"Sharra is Merlin's sister. She's a Seal Point Siamese, but with very thin and fine bone structure. Although we neuter all our cats, we could never breed from her anyway, as she is too delicate and thin-boned to safely have a litter.

"There's not much to say about Sharra, really. Although she's a thoroughbred Siamese, she's a bit scatty - even, maybe, a bit autistic. She's very cuddly and loving, but the moment something changes, she gets upset. When we changed our three piece suite, she was in a major strop for days, growling and hissing at people. Whenever we move house, it takes her at least a month and a half to calm down and settle in. She's not too happy when new cats arrive, either. So, apart from her occasional mood, she doesn't do much of interest, apart from sit on you, and yowl a lot in the Siamese tradition. She does try to profit from Merlin's various crimes, but then he runs off and she cops the blame.

"All in all, she's not really very bright, but we love all the same."

Cat Tales

Merlin and Sharra