MAYPOLE IN PHALLIC SYMBOL SHOCK!

It has been revealed that an unsuspecting group of young, innocent, nubile Blewbury girls have been lured into a foul and disgusting plot to rob them of their naiveté. The fiendish scheme first came to light at the recent school fête, where the young innocents proceeded to dance gaily and liberally wrap ribbons around that most revolting of all phallic symbols - the Maypole. The organisers of the hideous plan pleaded innocence of the symbolism of the event, but intrepid Rattler reporters believe that their cries of "not guilty" bear little relevance to the case in hand.

The discovery has been made all the more disturbing by further revelations about another group in the village - the Morris dancers. In a concerning public display, watched, not only by adults, but also by many young and impressionable children, these fully grown up men proceeded to not only dress up in worrying outfits festooned in ribbons and bells, but also to dance to quite offensive music, whilst smacking each other with balloons and sticks. Behaviour such as this should really be kept behind locked doors, with these distressing fantasies being restrained to the private minds of the sick individuals concerned. One onlooker, Mrs Maisie Milkgoodforteeth commented that:
"It was horrible. Really horrible. The music, it, it, went on forever. And they just kept smiling and dancing. We have to protect our children from these people."

Is it all a plot to transform Blewbury into a fetid pit of loathsome sexual fantasy? How can we prevent these disturbed persons from affecting the very nature of our lovely village? Local Police Officer, PC Packitinnow, suggests the following:
"Recent research has shown that worrying behaviour such as the Maypole and Morris dancing incidents can be treated by long periods of exposure to Morrisey albums. Tadpoles are also said to work wonders."